10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." (Mark 10:10-12)
The Disciples' Question
Jesus' words were revolutionary because he put men and women on equal footing. But, they were also stringent. In this concluding movement in the house, Jesus told his disciples that if a spouse departs and remarries another, they have committed adultery. God joined the original couple together. To him, they are still one, so a new marriage is adultery in his sight.
Matthew tells us the disciples were overwhelmed by these words:
Matthew 19:10 (ESV) — 10 The disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry."
Jesus responded to them, in Matthew, by telling them some people will pursue a life of singleness for the kingdom of God. They will devote themselves to their relationship with God and his people, all while carrying out the commandment to love and the commission to make disciples (Matthew 19:11-12).
Exceptions
Modern readers will want to know if there are any exceptions to Jesus' rule. I'm tempted not to answer that question because Mark didn't include any exceptions. I think it was his way of pointing towards the sobriety we should have concerning our marriage vows.
However, in Matthew, Jesus twice mentioned sexual sin as a reason people can divorce (Matthew 5:32, 19:9). He didn't demand it. He allowed for forgiveness of that sin to occur. But it is an exception.
Paul also added a provision of his own: if a non-believing spouse departs, the believing spouse is free (1 Corinthians 7:15).
In addition to these two exceptions, there are divorces that happened before a person became a believer, prior to conversion. It would also be wise to consider separation that occurs when domestic abuse looms over the marriage.
Response: Commitment To Christ
How can we respond to Christ's stern statements? Let me offer four suggestions.
First, as I already mentioned, some will respond by never marrying. Jesus exemplified a single life devoted entirely to his Father. And he taught that some would choose this life because the demands of marriage were too great.
Second, we should respond as a church by having a high view of marriage. Whether you are married or unmarried, it is important you believe God is active in marriages. He made the two into one. We should all have a sober view of marriage and work hard to support the marriages in our church family.
Third, we should respond by becoming biblically sensitive people on these matters. If you aren't sure if a marriage or divorce would be biblical, seek the counsel of the pastors of your church or other competent believers. Find out before you move forward.
Fourth, we should respond by extending grace to our church community and beyond. These are, admittedly, hard words. Many of us are divorced or remarried, and many of those divorces and remarriages likely occurred outside the Lordship of Christ. In other words, it is common for modern believers to ignore Jesus' teaching on these matters. Since we live in a divorce culture, quitting is so easy. For this, we need grace.
If you are in an unbiblical marriage, receive God's grace and move on. If it happened before Christ came into your life, know you are forgiven in his sight. If it happened while in Christ, humbly lament and accept his mercy. And if it happened because you didn't know the word, ask for his cleansing, and move on. It is all we can do. And it is far better to be broken and humbled than to have a defiant attitude disregarding God's words. Instead, humbly move forward in his mercy and grace.
The Garden
Remember, sin attacks marriage. But God invented marriage. And, through the blood of Christ, marriage can get back to the garden, the way God intended it to be. It can reflect God's image, demonstrate sacrificial love, and unify us to another human in a powerful way. Let us seek the help of the Spirit in bringing each one of our marriages back to the garden.