6 "But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.' 7 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Mark 10:6-9)
What God Said
They went back to Deuteronomy. Jesus went all the way back to Genesis, to the first moments of human existence. Genesis was the foundational text. There, in the garden, on the sixth day, 'God made them male and female' (6). Jesus was interested in Deuteronomy. It's what he quoted to defeat Satan's temptation in the wilderness.
But the Genesis passage took precedence. There, in the garden, we discover God's original intention. It is something beautiful that the gospel of Jesus Christ and the constant ministry of the Holy Spirit can continually restore in any marriage that submits itself to Christ. It is a vision all of us need.
Represent God
The first thing a gospel-redeemed marriage can do is more faithfully represent God. What I mean is that we were all made in God's image. And, in making us in his image, Jesus reminds us that he made us male and female (6).
God refers to himself in the masculine, but when God took from Adam's side to create Eve, God took part of his image and put it into the woman. Therefore, though God reveals himself as Father, we can know that mothers, specifically, and women, generally, reflect the image of God just as much as men do. Men can only image part of God. Women must image the other.
And Jesus reminds us of this in the context of marriage. In a gospel-saturated marriage, the couple becomes an excellent example of what God is like. The man is urged to become more fully man, while the woman becomes more fully woman. Together, they represent God on earth. Though the King is far away, his representative images are here to remind us of what he is like.
In a good marriage, each spouse will encourage the total and complete flourishing of the other. Each has felt served by Christ, so they work hard to lay down their lives for the other. They cheer for each other to develop into the person God has destined. Male and female, they flesh out God's image in the way they interact with each other.
Great Love
But Jesus went on. Quoting from Genesis, he said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife" (7). In this ideal, the one we want to see recaptured today, great love is abandoned for an even stronger one. The closest bond the man had known is the one with his father and mother. But, when the woman comes along, love develops in his heart. Though he loves his parents, he is compelled by a greater love for his bride. He then leaves his parents and is joined to his bride.
And this great love, the kind that leaves everything else and prioritizes the marriage, must be allowed to continually grow. Many men and women are tempted to prioritize their parents over their relationship—don't let your parents into your marriage. They don't belong there.
But many others become tempted with new loves as the years pass by. Careers, hobbies, and personal goals can become a wildfire that forces you to neglect your first, marital love. So Christ-honoring marriages will continue to prioritize their love for one another, never taking it for granted. You just have to make time.
By the way, if you are a single man who would like to marry someday, do not be scared of love. I know many of you are nervous you'll make the "wrong" decision. Some of you are afraid to commit. But love, especially one fueled by the love Christ has shown you, can help you overcome and dedicate yourself to a woman.
One Flesh
Back to Jesus' words, he went on to quote Genesis: "'And the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh" (8). When Adam and Eve came together, God melded them into one. God saw them as one. Though Eve was still the woman and Adam was still the man, they were now united in the sight of God.
A husband and wife biologically complement each other. And their physical union does unify them to each other. This is one reason sexual activity before marriage is harmful—it blurs the lines of the relationship. It makes you, in a sense, one, but without a covenant or commitment to reflect your oneness. In marriage, however, sex is safe because the oneness is not only sexual but universal and total.
Jesus championed this one-flesh approach to marriage. Marriages tend to break down when people behave as two single individuals with distinct and separate goals. Too many women and men are running off attempting to "find themselves" when all they really need to discover is found inside their relationship with their spouse. When oneness is cultivated physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and practically, the marriage will succeed.
This oneness with your spouse must be cultivated. In addition to being passionate lovers, I believe husbands and wives ought to be best friends. The wife in the Song of Solomon—an intensely romantic book—refers to her husband as her friend (Song of Solomon 5:16). If married, learn how to be good friends with your spouse. Date each other. Listen to each other. Learn about each other. Your spouse is an ever-developing creature, so discover who they are right now. Talk about what God is showing you and hear what God is showing them. Be friends. Cultivate your oneness.
A word of advice for parents: one of the best things you can do for your children is to prioritize your marriage. They are not one flesh with you. And they need you and your spouse to live out the oneness you possess together. It is important for them to be secure in your love for them, but they also need to be secure in your love for their other parent.
Let Not Man Separate
Jesus concluded his teaching by saying, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (9). This was his basic attitude about marriage. Don't let it end. If God worked a mystery and bonded the two into one flesh, no person should ever separate them back into two. Don't mess with God's work.
Clergy often lead a marriage ceremony. The church gathers with believing couples to witness their vows. And paperwork is filed with the governing authorities. But God is the one who presides over every married couple.
In other words, God is the tie that binds us together. Not the government, not the church, but God. This view allows a person to see their marriage as an act of devotion, worship, obedience, and stewardship toward God.
Let not man separate, Jesus said. Don't let a counselor or a friend or a new romance separate you from your spouse. Don't talk yourself into it. God put you together. Stay.
